Hi, I’m new to blogging so please excuse any mistakes, typos or general ignorance on my part, offending people is not my intention. I’ve decided to start my own blog as I’ve always felt that writing is really important, but until now I’ve never had anything important enough to write about. Now I find myself the wrong side of 30 I’m thinking that if I don’t start now it may never happen.
Writing is a funny thing. Because I’m new to this form of self-expression called blogging, I feel almost blind to what type of impression I’m going to create, or what I’m going to create at all. I guess I hope that this will be an experiment on my part to see what ‘I’ look like on a page and what I can achieve and learn through the process of writing and sharing.
I also see writing as a key figure in the process of self-development: a space to create and discover who I really am and what I want in life. Like a lot of people, what I’d like is to find is a direction that will lead me to peace and happiness, and when I find it I can pass the knowledge on to my children. I believe that each of us has something that we are truly passionate about and that following our hearts will lead us to exactly this. The hard bit for me is weeding through all the things that interest me and deciding on which is my true passion, and then wondering how on earth I can make a career out of it.
At this point in my life I feel that I’ve managed to narrow down my choices and come to some tentative conclusions: that I love discovering new knowledge and information and sharing this with others - some times without the person in question actually being interested. That writing is my best bet as far as communication goes, and that what I really want is to someday publish something - or lots of things - worth reading. My most important discovery to date is the subject of my proposed writings and the things that i'm most passionate about, these being philosophical questions about the nature of the mind, the nature of reality and the role that language plays in both the mind and reality. Quite a broad category but i won't go into detail here about the many exact subjects as it may take a while!
I realise that this blog won’t be everyone’s cup of tea so to speak, but I really hope that it will speak to a smaller and maybe more select audience. What I really really hope now is that if you have enjoyed reading that you will feel inspired enough to leave a comment to tell me what you did or didn’t like, or your thoughts on the subjects, or just a general comment that has something vaguely to do with anything. I’d love to hear from you. Thank you so much xxx
Saturday 22 May 2010
MOTHER EARTH
I don’t know about you but sometimes I display behaviour that is less than desirable for my children to be witnessing. Things that I really don’t want my children to copy, i.e. shouting, screaming, throwing things, crying, criticising, and generally just not being in the mood. I try to keep this to a minimum but self control was never a strong point for me.
Some days I wish that my little angles would fly away and leave me alone for just 1 minute. I feel like I’m last in line for everything: eating, bathing, sleeping and other really essential things and it really pisses me off. And on top of this I then feel miserable and sorry for myself.
This is not a good way to live, or to feel and I needed to snap out of it or I’d be in danger of falling back into depression. Luckily, about a week ago I was reading a beautifully illustrated book that a friend bought me about chakra healing, not a subject that I would have previously chosen but I’ve found it really useful. The book is called Chakra Healing by Liz Simpson and although it’s not directly about parenting a lot of what’s covered can be of help stressed and over-burdened mothers. What I found poignant on this occasion is the distinction it made between two archetypes: the victim and the earth mother.
The victim was described someone who lets themselves become vunerable, needy and ungrounded and the earth mother is more positively associated with nourishment, caring and unconditional love; an earth mother is strong enough to act with love and to effect positive change. So now when I get frustrated or angry I somehow manage to intercept and consciously switch to earth mother mode, replying to screaming demands for milk and chocolate cake with a kind and rational voice: it seems to be working. Now I feel like I have more time, which means more time to cuddle when they feel sad or lonely in the night; more time to play even if I’m knee deep in housework; and more time just to say I love you when I know that I’ve only got 5 minutes to concoct and cook dinner before man gets home.
This new approach really paid off today. Not only did people comment on how polite Gwen was being, there was even no tantrum on leaving playgroup, and indeed less tantrums in general. Both my girls seem more content and more like little earth mothers themselves, and that makes me and everyone else a little bit happier.
Some days I wish that my little angles would fly away and leave me alone for just 1 minute. I feel like I’m last in line for everything: eating, bathing, sleeping and other really essential things and it really pisses me off. And on top of this I then feel miserable and sorry for myself.
This is not a good way to live, or to feel and I needed to snap out of it or I’d be in danger of falling back into depression. Luckily, about a week ago I was reading a beautifully illustrated book that a friend bought me about chakra healing, not a subject that I would have previously chosen but I’ve found it really useful. The book is called Chakra Healing by Liz Simpson and although it’s not directly about parenting a lot of what’s covered can be of help stressed and over-burdened mothers. What I found poignant on this occasion is the distinction it made between two archetypes: the victim and the earth mother.
The victim was described someone who lets themselves become vunerable, needy and ungrounded and the earth mother is more positively associated with nourishment, caring and unconditional love; an earth mother is strong enough to act with love and to effect positive change. So now when I get frustrated or angry I somehow manage to intercept and consciously switch to earth mother mode, replying to screaming demands for milk and chocolate cake with a kind and rational voice: it seems to be working. Now I feel like I have more time, which means more time to cuddle when they feel sad or lonely in the night; more time to play even if I’m knee deep in housework; and more time just to say I love you when I know that I’ve only got 5 minutes to concoct and cook dinner before man gets home.
This new approach really paid off today. Not only did people comment on how polite Gwen was being, there was even no tantrum on leaving playgroup, and indeed less tantrums in general. Both my girls seem more content and more like little earth mothers themselves, and that makes me and everyone else a little bit happier.
Monday 17 May 2010
MENTAL SILENCE
Six months ago things reached fever pitch in my life. I was not coping very well with the demands of caring for a toddler and a baby and was constantly finding myself in a state of anxiety, stress or anger. My moods were affecting my partner and my children and the general mood in the camp was one of depression and frustration. I decided to get a book on meditation. It was one of the best decisions I ever made.
Luckily I found meditation very easy even though on previous attempts, say during the relaxation at the end of a rare yoga session, I found it very hard to control my thoughts at all. I think it was because back then I didn’t want to slow down. Lying down at a yoga session just meant that I could plan the rest of the day and not waste any time. I hate wasting time.
What I have discovered is that far from wasting time, meditation created something that was far more valuable. It actually created more time and space in my life. It was as if time had slowed down precisely because my thoughts had slowed down. I now see that there is a direct relationship between the nature of our thoughts and our experience of life. Non stop thinking creates a fast moving day but also left me prone to anxiety and other unsettling feelings.
I decided to prioritise some time every day to cultivate this more relaxed state of mind. The only time I was able to do this was in the bath with the door firmly shut and strict instructions for Gareth to keep the girls downstairs at all costs. It only gives me 10-20 mins. each day but it has been enough to make a huge difference in the quality of all of our lives. The biggest change I have noticed is that instead of spending the day in my head ruminating or worrying about how I’m going to get the dinner done whilst breastfeeding Anona I actually spend the day with my girls.
When you take the time to stop and think it’s amazing how little time we spend in the present moment.
When our minds become still and thoughts slow down we come as close to peace as we possibly can. In this state of mind it is likely that we will take a more positive view of ourselves, our relationships and of the general goings on of reality. It is in this calm state of awareness that we can best relate to our children and develop conscious parenting skills.
Luckily I found meditation very easy even though on previous attempts, say during the relaxation at the end of a rare yoga session, I found it very hard to control my thoughts at all. I think it was because back then I didn’t want to slow down. Lying down at a yoga session just meant that I could plan the rest of the day and not waste any time. I hate wasting time.
What I have discovered is that far from wasting time, meditation created something that was far more valuable. It actually created more time and space in my life. It was as if time had slowed down precisely because my thoughts had slowed down. I now see that there is a direct relationship between the nature of our thoughts and our experience of life. Non stop thinking creates a fast moving day but also left me prone to anxiety and other unsettling feelings.
I decided to prioritise some time every day to cultivate this more relaxed state of mind. The only time I was able to do this was in the bath with the door firmly shut and strict instructions for Gareth to keep the girls downstairs at all costs. It only gives me 10-20 mins. each day but it has been enough to make a huge difference in the quality of all of our lives. The biggest change I have noticed is that instead of spending the day in my head ruminating or worrying about how I’m going to get the dinner done whilst breastfeeding Anona I actually spend the day with my girls.
When you take the time to stop and think it’s amazing how little time we spend in the present moment.
When our minds become still and thoughts slow down we come as close to peace as we possibly can. In this state of mind it is likely that we will take a more positive view of ourselves, our relationships and of the general goings on of reality. It is in this calm state of awareness that we can best relate to our children and develop conscious parenting skills.
MEMORIES
Somewhere around 1983 I was sitting in the front room of a council house watching our oversized television. I could only have been about 3 or 4 years but the memory I have is clear as day. The news was on, and the story was about a gay couple. I remember being quite perplexed and asking mum to explain. Luckily, she was open minded and responded saying that it didn’t matter if it was a man and woman, or two men or two women, as long as they loved each other. I have carried this memory through life with me. It was my first conception of love and probably the basis for the beliefs I have now. What a beautiful gift to give a child!
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