Becoming a mother presents lots of challenges, but the biggest for most people is the change in identity. For me at least it took at least 6 months before i could get used to understanding myself under the lable mum, and then another few months to get used to my daughter and the rest of my family using the dreded term too. Suddenly my name had been erased from everybody's vocabluary and replaced with a rather generic term that really didn't feel like me.
Well, it's been 2 1/2 years since then and in hindsight the change has been even more momentus that i originally thought. For years (prior) to having children i had contemplated my identity, wondering what it was that was me. I used to draw spiral drawings starting with the things that i thought were most essentially me. They went something like this: reading, philosophy, writing, daughter, sister, girlfriend, student, but somehow i never felt that these things were me. The vague conclusion that i came to was that identity was something that is not stable or something that can be labelled. It is just the sum at any particular moment of my feelings, values, beliefs and relationships. But even that didn't seem right.
It is only recently that i have had the feeling that my sense of self was making an appearance that i have begun to explore the subject again. This new sense of self has kindly brought back with it some confidence, something else that has been missing for a while. I'm not to sure why this has happened but i have a feeling that it's something to do with contemplating my life's purpose; another thing that seems to 'come up' for us mothers.
I mean becoming a mother on the material level means that we have a new little bundle of joy to nurture but on the less considered emtoional level (where most of the changes take place) it means we have to re-define our whole approach to life, how we feel about literally everything. Our priorities change, for example, i now value emotional development over material gain; serving someones elses needs before my own (selflessness has led me to a understanding of self); and getting a career that fulfils me on a level that is not just material. Yes i have bills to pay but the most important thing that has changed for me is that i realise the value of life itself, it's gift is not to be wasted.
In my humble opinion we all have something that we can do that we feel passionate about, and in my experience this is something that contributes to humanity in a positive way whether it be the beauty that art adds to life (music, art, literature), or just helping to making the world a better place in some way, such as assisting a charity or raising awareness on a particular issue. In fact helping people in anyway as long as it's not making money for money's sake. To me a job should be something that adds to your sense of self.
I guess what i've realised is that the self is defined by what you do with your life, not who you think you are, and that if you are doing something that doesn't make you happy in anyway, your sense of self is going to be compromised, however, if you can be determined enough to find a career in something you believe in whole heartedly, something you believe to be good, then your sense of self will shine through in all it's glory and blow away all the labels that society seems to stick on top of you and that can sometimes act as plasters, covering up the true light of self.
No comments:
Post a Comment